I Know Her (Ms. G)

I used to know this girl who stole heat and shine from the sun every time she smiled
and her presence sent vibrations through the air, she moved as though
God purposed her hips and shoulders to withstand storms before there were wver clouds

She had an innocence in her eyes,
her voice took him for rides, her fingers painted words in the sky
and she wore a smile as her disguise
Because she had no direction, no motivation, no future in her mind
so she poems about her pain and dark places
about the hurt she chose to hide

She struggled with words in public because she had already sacrificed so much of her soul to paper
Her middle finger calloused from flicking lead to the world,
her pen her sword,
her bullets her words

At 15 I received a call
I used to know this girl who liked to mix pills to test side effects and close her eyes as she wondered into a land where Alice lost rabbits and little girls remained innocent
She stole her mom's vodka, watered it down careful not to leave evidence
Watered down the abuse because there was never any visual evidence
She hid bruises uner her jeans, the pain shaking from under her skin
Sometimes I could hear her silent screams through bedroom walls
I'd watch them creep up the bed sheets and escape through the cracks of ripped window screens
I wanted to help her, but I knew she didn't think anyone could see how she hurt

At 22 I received a call
I used to know this girl who didn't know her name
She always seemed lost and after having her child, she told me she would never be the same
I didn't know what she meant then, but as the years passed I watched her lose herself
Passion dimmed from her aura slowly like clouds swimming past a full moon on a summer night
Once I sat and stared at her as she balanced her new sun on a belly,
wondering if she would ever see me
She used to try and whisper to me in the eclipses of nights when he neglected to help her through her terrors
I wish he knew how hard she cried when he lied
I wish he knew that every pain he falsely apologized for
is what killed her

At 29 I received a call
I know this woman who refuses to die even though shes covered in love's war wounds
She decided to have an affair with herself and fell in love fast
She tells me it's the only fleshly love that she's not afraid to lose
She still hurts a little when she sees his face
smells his cologne, lays in the bed alone and cries over hugs that left before they could find a home
She wakes up feeling destroyed by fantasies and ready to rebuild her mind with fascinating realities
She's become indestructible because she's already been destroyed
Her essence no loner fades into the background,
she's unafraid to allow it to flow
into the air around her, replacing fictional voids
There's still a pain purging itself inside her, but she refuses to let it validate her existence

She's in love now, her soul given gentle wings
I used to know this woman, I call her me